How Boundaries Keep Me Organized

Are you struggling with your spouse or roommate when it comes to keeping your home tidy and organized? Let me tell you, this can become a huge struggle in my relationship with my husband.

This blog is about how setting clear boundaries for myself has kept my focus on my side of the field and how it has shown me grace and compassion.

"Ann, white wine gives you a headache." Ann replies, "well, it's MY headache." Are any Parks and Rec fans out there? That's when Anne snaps and confronts her bestie, Leslie, and Leslie finally realizes that she is, in fact, a steamroller. What is a steamroller, you may ask? According to Vocabulary.com, a steamroller is something or someone that moves forward relentlessly, without regard for anyone who happens to be in its way."

I can be a steamroller for sure!

Jimmy, my husband, often hints, It's my headache! Or it's my clothes, drawer, and everything else I want to tell him how and what to do with. It's our inside joke until it's not. It starts with he's so funny to why can his socks stay on his feet! (I often call "patas" when I'm really angry) And that's how I noticed that there was an opportunity for me to do something different.

Notice I said Opportunity instead of Problem.

I remember jumping on a group accountability call where we played a game. Everybody writes, "I have a problem with ____," and you fill in the blank. And I was coming from a lovely argument with Jimmy. I first wrote that I have a problem with how I speak to my husband. The feeling was guilt and shame. Here I go again, steamrolling my husband about his socks on the sofa.

Then Mark England, who was facilitating the game, said, "Everyone, scratch out Problem, and write Opportunity. And read it out loud." So I said, I have an opportunity with how I speak to my husband." Boom! That guilt and shame feeling turned into hope. And then he said to say it slowly and add a breath!

And the hope feelings influenced pictures in my mind!

These pictures on my mind reminded me that I could speak with grace and compassion. The ability is there for all of us; however, when we are trapped in the Problem and others, with our breathing trapped in our shoulders, it feels hopeless. So what brings us back to our self-responsibility and focus is words, and the magic is below:

Reading at a lower speed and adding a breath.

Please give it a test. You most likely chose this blog because you are struggling with your spouse or roommate. Write the Problem: I have a problem with ____ action taken or not taken by a loved one—Check in with your feelings. Then switch the word problem with "opportunity," and check in with your feelings again. Then say it out loud slowly, and add a breath.

What comes up for you?

I know for me, I come up for air, and I come back to a clean slate and clear waters. This exercise or game shifted my perspective to my clear boundaries. Plus, at the end of the day, I got plenty to do in my corner or side of my room, desk, office, and files. And let me tell you, my electronic filing is currently a hot mess. Meanwhile, Jimmy's electronic files are impeccable!

Mask tightly secure on me first, then my husband!

Self-responsibility is how boundaries keep me more organized, and it continues to humble me and keep me in perspective when I want to point fingers and act high almighty. I got more stories around the topic of Boundaries to share this 2023. As I write this blog, I'm still transitioning a 4-family moved from the north to the south. And boundaries are what keep me sane, besides exercising three days out of the week.

Let me clarify my definition of Boundaries.

My simple definition is how our self-responsibility of our thoughts and feelings begins and ends relative to people, life, and circumstances. It's drawing a line in the sand or a property line with a fence. Ultimately, I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings that, of course, influence my actions. And for this blog, we're talking about keeping our home organized.

And for our YSuperstars brand, grounding in our self-responsibility 

There is hope when we stay in our lane. Or in our side of the closet, office, bedroom, or whatever you share with your spouse or roommate. Are there any fans of the Netflix Show Wednesday out there? Those two roommates embraced their differences in their shared dorm room. And if Wednesday can do it, so can you! When I practice my self-control by keeping quiet. You know, without nagging, Jimmy stops to notice.

And wants the same results!

The nagging clouds his mind and keeps him busy on how to defend himself. "What! My feet get hot!" Something that helps us is that when he does laundry, I fold our clothes. So when he sees his socks and clothes perfectly folded in a box/drawer, he gets delighted. And I'm still learning to control myself. Look for the comments below to see if he has made any comments.

Key focus: When I'm done with my clothing

It helps to look at my clothes before I even dare to say something to him. So it's a double edge sore because when I'm in transition and feel that life keeps throwing curve balls at me, my pattern is that I get OCD intense about keeping tidy. So as I mentioned, we're moving, and our two mothers and father are too. Go figure!

Enid and Wednesday’s dorm room

I laugh at myself more often when I want to lose my crap. "Wow, I can be OCD about tidying things up when I feel uncertain" So it gives me grace and compassion that Jimmy can be more careless when he is stressed out. Did I mention the big family moves? Yes, these are very stressful times during this season. And I'm also embracing individuality.

 We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I love the picture above because we see the boundary line and the beauty in their differences: and, spoiler alert, the connection and harmony in their relationship. I'm not saying a line in between; I'm saying a line between our personal feelings, thoughts, and self-responsibility. 

Be open and transparent with yourself first.

Your pen and paper can come in handy. Have you applied the exercise or "game" mentioned at the blog's beginning? As often mentioned in our blog's Minimalism and Organization Category, it starts with our self-responsibility and begins with looking at ourselves first.

What have you noticed about yourself in your organization?

I want to dedicate this blog to my loving, kind, funny, and accepting husband, Jimmy. Thank you, honey, for screaming, "It's MY headache!" We got lots to do during this move, so I'm going to stop typing and get packing.

As always, let me know your thoughts and reflection on any of the exercises above. And please help us spread our blog by sharing with a friend and tagging this blog on social media.

Love,

Me.